Happy Tuesday, friends! I have been enjoying the last week or so with my family here at the house, just trying to soak in the summer fun. I’ve taken a blogging break since early July, and I’ve been a bit MIA ever since coming back from Colorado while taking a much needed semi-break from social media. I mean, SO many things going on out there and social media can be a scary, funny, anxiety-producing . . . just all of the emotions kind of place right now. I am a fan of happy posts and funny memes, so I keep coming back for more.

So, here are the top five things I learned during the last couple of weeks of my blog hiatus:

1. No matter how much I want to act like I can handle the Fritos, they are just no longer my friend. I am 40ish, and Fritos fully hate me at this point. Or should I say, my stomach hates Fritos. It’s been a sad realization and break up. Oh, and I just heard its “National Junk Food Day”, so there is that. Wish me luck today.
2. When we have been living on a summer-like schedule since March 15^th, my boys seem to be getting crazier and crazier. Is this happening to anyone else? Crazy, energetic boys without the regular sports schedule mean more bike rides for us. Which also means that we are currently researching how to join the Tour de France. Summer 2020 is all about the training, people!
3. When you are feeling blue about all of the craziness of the world, turn on Netflix, find Arrested Development, and start at the 1^st episode. It is so important to laugh and experience joy right now. This show is so amazing, and who doesn’t like to sit, laugh and feel no responsibility in 25 minute increments? Yes, please.
4. Also, I discovered that I love sautéed spinach. Like, I am obsessed with it and I just discovered this little nugget of information. Thankful that this will hopefully help me in my fight against the Fritos! 😉
5. Never miss a reason to celebrate. Even the little things. Especially now.

So, with all going on in the world (the heartache, the Covid-19, the uncertainty), I wanted to go back to the well with this post, and revamp it a bit. This post is personal to me because it discusses a lot of how I healed and how some amazing people helped us through our hard times. I don’t think that this subject matter necessarily pertains to just infertility, miscarriages, and infant loss. Each one of us has our own issue, our own hardship that we either deal with in public or we shove down and internalize. Everyone is different. But as the saying goes: “Be Kind. For Everyone You Meet is Fighting A Battle You Know Nothing About”. When that battle gets hard, we all want to help.

Over the last few years, I have learned many things about grief, healing, faith, and love. But, one thing Reid and I have said from the day we lost Sophie – we have some amazing people in our life. I always knew we did, but these people taught me about the kind of friend I want to be. I like to think I’m great in times of tragedy. I can put together a meal calendar like a champ and I will pick up your kid in carpool. Basically, I am good at being given things to DO when tragedy hits a friend or family member. Back in 2017, we experienced love and support that covered the spectrum. We rocked a lot of people’s worlds and hearts that year, and sometimes there are just no words. Sometimes you don’t know what to say. Sometimes you don’t know what to do. And, sometimes you are scared to show up and face the grief alongside the one suffering. I have talked a lot about this with friends over the years and wanted to pass along ways that I think are super helpful when someone is going through a tragedy. This does not have to be a miscarriage or an infertility struggle. This can be anything.

WHAT TO SAY

Even the chattiest of people can lose their voice when a hard situation presents itself. Your heart breaks for that person, but you have no words. And, sometimes people don’t want you to say anything. They just want somebody to listen. Everyone communicates differently, everyone grieves differently. Here are a few things that I found were so helpful!

PRAY! I would not have made it through the process of delivering Sophie had I not had amazing friends praying for us around the clock. Some sweet women literally had time frames in which they would sign up to pray for us. Can you believe that? How blessed are we?

SCRIPTURE. During the hardest time of 2017, I would put my phone down for hours at a time and just concentrate on my little family of four. When I would pick it up, and see tons of missed texts, a vast majority were from sweet friends that were sending Bible verses. I will admit that those Bible verses stung a bit because I was so mad at God. But they got me through. I would read them again and again and again. Until one day, they didn’t sting. The Bible is filled with encouraging scripture for those that are struggling!

CARDS. Some people truly have no idea how to handle tragedy, and a card can be such an easy way to show someone some love. I received a couple of cards that were so amazing, made me laugh so hard, and are entirely too inappropriate to put on this blog. If you are in need of an amazing card, I highly suggest checking out Emily McDowell Studio.  Oh my goodness.  So real, and for the recipient, so true! Please note that some are not family blog friendly.

HOW TO HELP

Besides the meal calendars, carpool runs, and other pick-ups, I wanted to highlight some other amazing ideas.

RUN INTERFERENCE.  When tragedy presents itself, someone needs to be the coordinator of the help. The person grieving will either say “no thank you” to help or will have no clue where to start in delegating tasks. Figure out who needs to do this, and manage the process of meals, child care, hand holding, etc.

LAUNDRY.  I recently listened to Episode 100 of the God Centered Mom podcast series with Jennifer Clouse. During her struggle with cancer, they would put a bucket of dirty laundry on the front porch in the morning and it would be returned late afternoon clean and folded. How unbelievably helpful is that?!?!?!? If you are going through a tragedy, how low on your list is the laundry?

SWEET SURPRISE.  This is my very favorite story of silent love, and I have to brag on a very dear friend of mine. My first time out of the house after having Sophie, I forced myself to hide under a baseball cap and go get a pedicure at a place I had never been. Towards the end of my pedicure, I looked up and saw my friend’s sweet daughter smiling at me and telling her mom that “Mrs. Beucler is here”. When my sweet friend saw me and said, “I’m so glad to see you out of the house”, I smiled, put my head down, and cried silently for the next 15 minutes. She never spoke to me again during this time and allowed me the peace and privacy that I was trying to get that day. When it was time to leave, she gave me a sweet hug, and I discovered that she had already paid my bill.  Such a small, little thing. But friends, it meant the world. She allowed me the space to grieve, and then surprised me in such an unnecessary way. I have told her several times that I am going to steal that idea in the future. Such a dear friend.

WHEN TO SHOW UP

If you don’t have words, you can always hold a hand, give a hug, be a shoulder to cry on. Know your audience on this one though. I would not have been able to handle a house full of people. The people that showed up on my doorstep or texted me saying they were in my driveway if I wanted to let them in . . . well, they knew I needed them. I am forever grateful to those people for being instrumental in my healing. Grief is hard, y’all!

I have walked several roads with friends that have experienced some pretty difficult events. Last year, I read several articles about handling grief: yours and others. Here are the three VERY SIMPLE takeaways that I feel are so important in dealing with any hard time . . . Again, I am not a therapist! Although, after a glass of wine, my minor in psychology can make me feel like a life coach.  Am I right?

1. “This is not about you.”
2. “Don’t dismiss people’s feelings”
3. “Above all: love”

If you have been the recipient of an amazing gesture, or if you have been the awesome person helping out a friend, message me or let me know in the comments! I would love to hear other ideas in how to be a great friend in times of need. We are all here to help each other. 

And, as always, if this blog post can help someone you love, please pass it along!

Looking forward to hearing from y’all!