Yesterday, I had the honor of having coffee with a sweet, young woman that is knee-deep in her journey of infertility and loss.

We chatted about her story, and man oh man, did she remind me of myself from a few years ago. It is so crazy how our stories are all different, but our feelings and emotions are so similar.

One theme that ran through our conversation was the concept of faith in the midst of infertility and loss. How are we able to reconcile desperately wanting to have a child, but that door continuing to slam shut in our face. Why can’t God just fix this? Just make it happen? Can God handle my anger?

After our conversation, it made me think back to one of my first posts I did early on the blog: Heartbreak and Faith. Clearly it was a theme for me in my life as it was the 6th post I published.

I was going to re-run that post today, but instead decided to rewrite it just a bit. Over the last eighteen months, I have been able to heal a bit more, and see this subject from other angles.

While this post is dealing with infertility and loss, we can battle heartbreak and faith issues for any situation in our lives. I do hope that this helps at least one of you out there today.

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No matter what circumstance changed your intended life plan, we have all sat by ourselves wondering what steps to take next. It doesn’t have to be infertility. It can be anything important to you that made you stop in your tracks and take a deep breath. That moment can be lonely. You are sitting on an island trying to figure out how to get moving again, and it is an isolating feeling. How do you move forward? There are TONS of inspirational quotes. I have an extensive Pinterest account to attest to this.  There are TONS of self-help books. I may have a couple of book reviews coming up to attest to this!

I feel like this is where faith kicks in. I am a Christian. This fact has shaped how I view everything in my life. At least, I hope that it has. I am a work in progress. I feel that our God can handle our anger.

Full disclosure here . . . I have been angry at God. I have sat on my bathroom floor screaming at God in hysterical tears as I shout “why me?” I have skipped church for months on end because I felt like I was mad at my best friend. I have been angry with God.

 I was SO VERY ANGRY WITH GOD when we lost Sophie in 2017.

The only reason I survived the summer of 2017 was that I had a mess load of amazing people praying for me. Being lonely, being hurt, and being ANGRY, made me back up and take a little time out from God. At the time, I wasn’t worried if He could handle it. But, He can. I believe that there are differing views about this subject out there. But, I’m thankful to have surrounded myself with a therapist, a minister, family, and some pretty cool friends, that think God can handle us anyway we are. Even if our heart beats with anger over a tragic heartbreak.

Years ago, right after our very first miscarriage, I turned to scripture. I was an anxious mess! Through tears, I picked out five bible verses and wrote them down. I put them on a note card in the top drawer of my night stand. There were years when I looked at this daily, and there were years when a once a week check would suffice. As you can see, it has been torn, cried on, and had coffee (shocker!) poured all over it. This sweet little note card is proof that God is with me. Sometimes it may not feel like it. But He is.

I also managed to find the most amazing quote in a devotional (no clue which devotional, sorry!) that I have used as my mantra for YEARS! “The task ahead of you is never as great as the power behind you”. Can I get an AMEN?

If you are down on your luck right now, in ANY WAY, know that God can handle your anger. I’m over my anger, but God and I are going to have big ol’ discussion when I get up to Heaven. I have several questions for him.  That is, of course, after I greet the football team of children I have yet to meet. 😊

Since starting this blog, I have been so blessed by texts, emails, and Facebook messages from women that have walked a similar road as mine. I am always honored when you include me in on a piece of your story. If you are currently going through a struggle right now, please let me know. I would love to pray for you. I’m loving this community that we are continuing to build!

Have a great rest of your week! XO